Edd in Wonderland
by abcdoll3
Summary: After a disappointing night of an exhausting week, Edd wakes up in what seems to be some kind of Wonderland. All he wants to do is to go home, but clearly it's not going to be easy. [Kevedd, some Edd/Eddy and Selfcest]
1. Chapter 1: Prologue Thing

I don't know what to say about this. I blame the Kevedd fandom for doing horrible things to me xD anyway, Kevin, Edd, Ed, Eddy ... all belong to Danny Antonucci. Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d. All of the Alice references belong to Lewis Carroll. But at least I can say I own Murphie.

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Edd gave a sigh relief as he made it to his dormitory. He was even more relieved to see that his roommate was not in the room at the moment. It was a good thing because he needed the time for himself. It had been a rather long day. Even though Edd found school rather satisfying and looked forward to going to his classes day by day, he wasn't going to lie to himself by saying that it wasn't exhausting at times. It really did seem that things were much simpler in high school. "Maybe a nap will do me some good." He said to himself. But before he got to close his eyes, messages started to pop on his phone. Most of them from one of his lab partner telling him to get some rest and not to do any more work. _Oh the coincidence there_. One by one he started to clear them until his screen showed he was getting a call. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to anybody but the name on the screen made him change his mind. _Kevin._

"Hello?" He said, hearing some rather loud background noise. Definitely the sound of a bar or pub.

"Hey. Edd. You just get done?" Kevin asked, his voice slightly muffled over the sounds in the back.

Edd nodded. "Yes. I'm rather enervated at the moment." He said, pushing some of his books onto the side so he could have more room on his bed. He wondered if Kevin knew what he meant by enervated.

"You don't sound too good babe." He seemed to get the gist of it. But Edd didn't want to talk about his day or anything. He just got done living it.

"I miss you." It just seemed to come out of him. [insert stuff about missing kevin] Kevin wasn't just his boyfriend since their junior year of high school. He quickly and assuredly became someone he loved beyond any formidable reason. But there always had to be boundaries. In this case, it was the two of them going to schools approximately 150 miles away from each other. They were more than supportive of each other's goals and the long distance wasn't necessarily hampering their relationship all too much but it still wasn't the same as being with him.

"Me too." Were the only words that Edd heard afterwords. Was he selfish for wanting to hear more?

There was a bit of a tense silence between them before Edd looked to the side, seeing a sticky note with a baseball diamond attached to his dresser. He sat up. "Your game! When does it start?" He asked, looking at the time. 11: 45 pm. 11:15 was the latest Edd had ever stayed at a baseball game and that was after the game ended. His heart sank down into his intestinal track. He didn't need Kevin to tell him the game was over for him to figure it out on his own. _ "Damn it!"_ How did he miss something that he promised that he would do before every game. He even requested a schedule for the concurring year just for that case and now he missed it. "I feel so beyond awful right now." In case anybody would wonder, he'd always call Kevin before a game for luck since he couldn't be there in person anymore. And in those phone calls, sporadic phone sex occurred, making it secretly another reason just to call.

"Nah, I figured you got busy or something. And plus from the way you sound, maybe it was for a reason" Kevin seemed perfectly fine and Edd wanted to believe he really was, but of course, something had to be eating at him. Something telling him that Kevin was hurt. Anything, almost like he was looking for punishment. "Babe, I'm fine. Really. We won anyway." Kevin reassured again.

"Congratulations. I wish I could have been there." At least there was some good news.

"I know but hey. I'll be there this weekend remember? We'll have plenty of time to celebrate." There was definitely sexual undertones in the way he spoke, the anticipation of it making Edd long for the week to end. . "Listen, I gotta go okay." Edd frowned hearing that their conversation had to end like that.

"I understand. 'Love you, Kevin."

"You too Dorko."

Edd hung up the phone, a sinking and sour feeling in his core as his eyelids started to get heavier and heavier. He knew it would only another day or so until the weekend but Edd wasn't sure he could wait that long.

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Yeah ... Um... Don't kill me. R&R instead please :D


	2. Chapter 2 : Down the Edd Hole

Well I should clarify that this was all based off of one of the Kevin blogs where he's obsessed with teacups. I do not own any of the references here, nor do I own post-it notes. Again, I do not own most of these things.

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Edd wasn't sure how long he had been asleep but the sudden sharp pains and overall discomfort of his bed did not hesitate at all to wake him up. That and the brightness of the sun. Wait, sun? No that couldn't be right. He couldn't possibly have slept that late! Edd fuddled around, looking his phone to reassure him that he was fine or his alarm clock or anything that would tell him anything. But there was nothing. No alarm clock, no phone, no bed either. _"Well that would explain the discomfort." _he thought, only to have every thing wrong with this situation hit him like bullets in his back. "What the san hell is going on. I'm not in my room, It's clearly past when I went to bed, I have no way of contacting anybody and " He stopped himself only for a moment, catching his breath and trying to take in his surroundings.

He found himself inside of a cave with an entrance that seemed no bigger than a doggy door that he somehow slipped through. Edd immediately ran towards it , thinking that the best way to get out of a situation is through the way in. However, the closer he tried to walk towards it, the smaller and smaller it seemed to get. How was that even possible? "Don't panic Eddward. I'm sure there's a valid explanation for all of this. " he said to himself, only to calm himself down because he really had no idea what the hell was going on. It wasn't working though, and Edd kept trying various things like trying to get through to the now thumb-sized hole again or bang on the cave walls, saying that this wasn't funny anymore. But after a while, it seemed useless and in defeat, he sank down, rationing out the minutes he had until he would run out of oxygen and die.

He didn't know how many minutes passed but then another light started to shine from the other side. Edd, not really sure what to do at this point, saw no real harm in walking towards the other light. Forget walking, he started running as fast as his legs would take him. After all, this could have easily been a tunnel and that meant he could go. This meant he was free and he could see what the hell was going on now. This was amazing. It seemed that Edd's nightmare was going to be over.

That is, until a gnarled branch trapped his foot and caused him to fall. Edd was expecting to hit the ground; instead he was still falling. Again, Edd started to panic. Of course anybody would panic if they were falling down some hole that they had no idea where it was leading but this was different in more ways he could imagine. There was no way that this was possible. With the speed of gravity contributing to his fall even if he was a bit of a lightweight, he should have hit the ground by now. There was nothing preventing him from falling or holding him up, so why was he falling at such a slow rate. And the fact his body was still upright was just some other headache on its. own. If Edd could be glad for anything, it was that it was suddenly light enough for him to see his surroundings more clearly, even see things engraved in the wall.

And what strange things were engraved. Not just branches but entire trees it seemed were trapped, their knotted and gnarled branches trying to grab at him like they either wanted to save him or hurt him even more. Bookshelves filled with jars of Red Bull and classic literature that Edd only wished he had the time to start and finish. Mural sized portraits of some of the tender moments he had with Kevin, moments that were never going to leave his phone had he had his way. And was that a couch? A whole couch just jabbed in there for no particular reason. "I could use that about now." Edd thought before everything came to a stop, his face the first thing to hit the ground.

"Ouch." He hissed in pain, only to see that another tunnel was waiting for him. "I think I've had enough with these Delphic tunnels. I just want to get back to my room." Edd pouted, seeing a rather phallic looking door from far away. He groaned. The shape seemed rather random and he had the feeling something bad would come from it. But at the same time, at least it was a door and again, it was better than standing there and doing nothing. So he walked, almost thankful that he had to deal with no more tunnels and that there was only a dead end to take him to the door. A door that was only about eight inches tall and four inches thick. That's right; the door was not only the shape of a penis, but the size and width of one. _"Freud must have spoken highly to whoever's responsible for this."_ Edd mused, coming across something that strangely wasn't there when he first got there.

It was a nice little table with a small brass key placed neatly next to a Coke bottle filled with some kind of vivid green substance and a yellow post it with perfect penmanship. _"How odd..."_ Edd thought, picking up the both the key and post-it. He figured that the key was for the door but did not understand the purpose for the post-it.

"Drink me" The note said.

Edd scoffed. "Are you out of your right mind? I'm not going to drink this." It wasn't any kind of substance he could identify visually or pick apart chemically, not to mention the plausible fear that this could be some kind of poison was very real in his mind. It was then that another post it popped up, this time on his arm.

"Do it Eddward." He repeated what this note had to say too, this time a bit more startled not only at it's sudden appearance but the fact that it spelled his name correctly.

"What the! Where did this come from?" Edd asked, peeling the note off of his arm when he was done reading it and placing it with the original. The newest post-it note to arrive landed on his nose, with Edd picking it up before it could fall to the ground.

"Pretend it's Kevin's - "

"That's Hardly appropriate for this situation!" He said, his face going a bit red from the implications. He didn't know how these notes were coming up and why they knew these kinds of things about him, but he had to figure out quickly. This was because faster than any meiosis he had ever seen, notes started to multiply, all with "DO IT" written rather violently and coating the bare cave wall and fluttering all around him in hurricane like speeds. Enough of those paper cuts could cause him to bleed to death and Eddward wasn't ready to die yet. "Fine! I'll drink it if it will cease the post-its!" He yelled in exasperation, downing half of the liquid.

With a tingle in his body and a loud pop, Edd shrunk down to the size of a dollar bill. "This is getting ridiculous." He frowned, figuring that he better save his energy for the harshest of reprimanding to whoever was behind all this. That is, if he ever got out of this alive. So far, the only relief he had was the key in his pocket. Reaching for it, he found that the key was attached to something. Edd pulled it out: A small sugar cookie with pink icing and the words 'Eat Me' in delicate icing calligraphy. If Edd wasn't infuriated before, then he wouldn't know what to call the emotion he had now. "Eat me, Drink me. I've already experienced puberty!" He shouted, detaching the key and throwing the cookie to some part of the room. Now it was just him and the key. "Let's just get out of here." He said, fashioning the key through the hole and opening the door.

If the rest of the way home was as infuriating as this one task, Edd didn't know how he would make it.

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Well that's chapter 2 for ya. I'm sorry it's long and boring! It'll start getting better now that Edd has people to talk to and various sex to have. Again, please R&R


	3. Chapter 3: Powderbow and Sub-Fauna

So he's finally talking to people. Sorta. Yeah. Um. I don't own any of the characters. Nat/Nathan belongs to c1ndy2cid. The human versions of Plank, Jim and Al belong to all of us. (the original descriptions belonged to somebody but I can't put my finger on the original source.) Um so yeah, finally. Here we are.

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Edd entered the new area with a bit of a fumble. It was strange; The key that had gone in so easily almost seemed reluctant to get out of the hole but he managed to get it out with a bit of a struggle. Maybe someone should get a look at the door. Improper lubrication was never a laughing matter especially with keys and their holes. He was definitely surprised to see where the door had taken him.

It was , in many respects, the exact opposite of what he had been subjected to earlier. Edd could actually breathe a little more easily and he certainly was more comfortable with his surroundings. But in no way did that mean that he was no longer trapped. Miles and miles of Tulips, Daffodils, Daisies, Gladioli, and far more than he wanted to count out- all of them greatly magnified in size, reaching to the sky like a display of pride and competition, and tangling together in their own kind of tunnel system without any kind of external support like a tree or any kind of fencing. The stems - more like trunks with the size of their buds - housed common insects and arachnids and some small animals but also contained hybrid creatures beyond any research or programs on the Discovery Channel could ever have comprehended. One of them - a creature with the ears and tails of a cat and the everything else of a blue moth - perched on Edd's finger and spurted out a sparkling powder before flying off.

Oh if only Edd had his phone or even a notepad to document this! Come to think of it, he could have probably taken some of those vexing post-its and used those. But that wasn't important. Even if Edd had only his eyes to take it all in, so be it. Every part of this fascinated him and put him in a slight trance of peace and curiosity to the point of making him forget that he had no idea where he was.

The most fascinating part though, was the powder, and not just the powder the cat-moth-thing produced. In almost every plant, natural spores of pollen spurted into the sky, be it from the pollen bed itself or chutes lodged in the stem. Pollens from the bloodiest of reds to the most regal of purples and any color in between turned the light blue sky into a cloudy coalescence of colors that was truly all in a word beautiful. He could have looked at it forever had sounds not distracted him. "Duck Al, Duck!" he heard the childish squeals and laughter of a figure ahead. They were coming from a rather pale, green haired young boy who looked no older than ten years old. The boy was fitted in a rather worn and almost prickly looking oversized green sweater, sandals and a giant bandage on his cheek. He was surrounded by two older men around Edd's own age. One looked like an older brother or a relative with a flower in his hair and the other one a tan, mohawked man with an eyebrow piercing and a rather lean body. They were avoiding the spurts of multi-colored pollen from the plants, but also throwing pollen at each other in some sort of game. Well, the two pale ones were, the tan one acted like a referee and often a shield to the younger one. They were all covered in patches of powdery pinks and blues and yellows.

Edd couldn't help but smile at them. It looked like fun, if not incredibly messy. The powder throwing though, reminded him of his own clothes. Looking down, he saw they were downright filthy. He could always break the powder down and see what would be best method for cleaning them once he got home. Home. that's right. He needed to find out how to get home. "Excuse me. I hate to interrupt your game but I was wondering if you could help me" He said. Only the youngest looking one stopped, a look of sheer joy spreading across his face as he ran towards him.

"Papa! You made it!" Did Edd hear that correctly?

"Papa?" He asked, fearing that this was just some lost child. Maybe this child was taken by the same madman who left him here too?!

"Mhmm" The little boy nodded, his excitement diminishing when seeing the slight panic overtaking Edd's face. "What's wrong? You don't recognize me?" He asked, squishing Edd's cheeks' though.

"I'm afraid I don't at the moment." Edd admitted with the cost of hurting the boy's feelings. "Then again, I don't know anything about this place" he admitted again. The boy's face dropped, sadness filling his eyes.

"But how could you forget about me?" He asked. Forget about him? How was he supposed to remember a boy he's never met before? "Surely you remember when Uncle Ed was sleepwalking that one time and he broke into our house and bit me. 's why I have this big booboo" He said, pointing at the powder-covered bandage on his cheek. Edd remembered that night. It was that night that the three of them discovered that certain nights, Ed would sleepwalk and devour all of the food within a five block radius. An interesting discovery it was but it turned out that Ed wouldn't just stop at food; he at one point had Jimmy in his mouth and even bit off a part of his cactus. But wait, how was this kid able to tap into his memories like that? Not to mention that the kid looked like he wouldn't be alive during that time.

"Let it go Jim. He's probably confused from all the pollen." The voice of the older brother figure said softly, picking up the younger boy.

Wait a second. _"Jim?"_ He thought. Was that supposed to be some kind of coincidence that this boy knew all this and had the same name as his cactus? It had to be.

Well whatever the older one said seemed to work, because the boy's expression picked up again. "M'kay big brother." he said, running off and rejoining the tan fellow. And now the older one had a look. A look of mild contempt but mostly jealousy came up as the younger one embraced the other, talking in exuberance while the other remained silent, smiling and nodding, occasionally ruffling the messy hair he had. Edd knew that look all to well. He had been the giver of that look, as well as a catalyst. Kevin, a rather protective boyfriend, wasn't fond of anyone flirting with him, particularly their now - mutual friend Nathan. Especially because Nathan did it out of jest rather than an intent on seducing him. For the most part anyway. Edd, although not necessarily a jealous person, couldn't hep but have that face when a cheerleader or some attractive classmate decided to hang onto Kevin in some attempt at seduction. Strangely enough, Edd couldn't determine whether the look was jealousy towards his brother's relationship with the other, or the fact that the other was giving Jim more attention. Maybe a mix of both? The tension between the three seemed to subside though, when the pollen throwing began again and it was back to the scenario that Edd had interrupted.

Okay. No more distractions. Time to get a move on. "I really should get going." Edd waved before making his way past them. With the rest of the pollen and creatures surrounding him and trying to cling onto him in any way that he could, Edd managed to get out of the forrest unscathed and his clothes with the same amount of mess. Edd sighed. As pleasant as that was, he was nowhere near finding his way home. So he kept on the cleanest path. If only he knew that this path would lead him into quite messy situations.

* * *

Now that whole thing with the powder/pollen stuff is based on Holi aka the Festival of Colors in India and it's amazing because these color pigments are in the air all at one time and it's like, probably one of the most amazing things ever and people get color all over their skin and clothes and it's something I really want to be a part of one day. So much beauty when the world can shoot colors at each other instead of the color of violence.

Well enough of my chitter chatter, Read and Review please.


	4. Chapter 4: Water on a Fungus

Hoorah for the first chapter that seems like it needs some kind of rating change. I don't know why this chapter's all serious and stuff but um... warnings: Drug use and Edd/Eddy. I don't own these people.

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It seemed that after that small distraction, Edd was back where he was started. No really, it was like the entire forrest was some kind of detour and he was just going in a circle the whole time. Now that was annoying. And if that wasn't vexing enough, small jawbreakers started falling from the sky, avoiding Edd in a weird circle around him only to have a rather large one hit him square in the head. "The hell did that come from?" He frowned, rubbing his head and looking around him. The sky had materialized into spun sugar and cotton candy, trees dangling with pillows and even ground beneath him had changed in structure. Groups of grapefruits bundled up and resembling their solid particle structure, the jawbreaker rain bouncing off of them like repelling electrons. Edd couldn't help but start to grin through the pain and confusion.

This truly was an entirely new world, one that Edd realized was not like his own at all. Of course he wanted to go home, but just like the powders in the forrest had enchanted him, was he really going to stop other things in this world from doing the same? "Curse this forsaken road."He smiled, grabbing one of the grapefruit, causing the ground beneath him to collapse and get him stuck in what felt mostly like a ball pit full of prunes. "I must really be hungry." He said to himself, amused as he started to swim the rather short distance. and out of the prune pit. Tt wasn't long after walking around _again_ when he overheard a conversation take place. Normally Edd was not the kind to eavesdrop but a voice in particular got his attention. "Eddy?" He knew that voice anywhere; after all, they were childhood friends.

"Welcome to Shroom Field! For a measly price of 25 ..." the rest of the sentence was a bit of a blur but that wasn't what mattered to Edd at the moment. He ran promptly to the source of the sound. And sure enough, there he was, on top of what looked like a giant mushroom with a homemade sign trying to advertise something. Definitely not something Edd would expect for someone who - from what he last heard - was majoring in advertising. "Sup Double D?" his friend said, pulling him up onto the mushroom and definitely not expecting the hug Edd gave him.

"Eddy! Thank god it's you! Listen, I was just taking a nap, asleep, exhausted from the week when I woke up in this place and fell and now here I am and I thought I was kidnapped and left to be abandoned in some sort of ditch or whatnot and now" Edd had been talking so quickly and at an animated pace, he felt like he could have fallen off of the mushroom by the time he needed to catch his breath. That's when he noticed something new about Eddy's apperance. "Is there a particular reason as to why you're dressed up as a playing card?" he asked, wondering why he himself hadn't noticed that.

Eddy shrugged. "Go figure. I'm just here for the cash" About time something made sense here.

"Even in my imagination, you have a covetous appetite for money." Edd noted with a chuckle as he tried to get off of the mushroom or to another mushroom at least. Eddy wouldn't have it though.

"Stay for a sec Sockhead. Ed'll be here with the pipe any second."

That idea didn't sound like such a good idea to him. "Pipe? Eddy you know I don't partake in those activities." He pouted. It made him think back to the time they tested out a water pipe that Ed found in his basement. The experience was less than pleasant for him to say the least and he probably tried to do his laundry and shower at least twice to get the smell out.

"Stay, Mortal Being!" A voice boomed, arms grabbing Edd from behind and giving him a tight squeeze.

"Ed!" Double D called out, chuckling and squirming with as little effort as possible. After years of this, Edd knew that it was best to let Ed get his hug out and put people down on his own accord or else he'll squeeze on more tightly. Plus the hug wasn't exactly unwanted; in fact, it kind of reminded him of the old times the three of them had in their old Cul-De-Sac. Edd turned around to see the other of his best childhood friends. "You're dressed like a caterpillar." He pointed out, finding it funny that he was less surprised to see Ed dressed like a caterpillar than it was to see Eddy as a card.

"That I am." Ed seemed to have no qualms about it. Come to think of it, Eddy didn't really have a problem with the way he was dressed either. Edd wondered why.

"I have to say that these two manners of dress are far contradictory to your personalities" He smirked, lightly laughing in his hand.

"You should speak for yourself, Sockhead." Eddy said, chortling.

Edd frowned, arms folding. "Other than the mess, I see no problem with my cloth-Good lord!" He blushed, immediately unfolding his arms and trying to cover himself with as much arm space as he could. His shirt and jeans had been replaced with a powder blue baby doll dress with puffed up sleeves and a hem that barely covered his crotch - the way the dress poofed out definitely was a hinderance - underneath a white, lace trimmed apron that seemed like more of an accessory than anything practical. It didn't even have pockets! He - to his mistake - lifted the skirt to see if at least the bottom half of him remained the same. It was safe to say that no, the bottom half of him had not remained the same. In fact, his socks and shoes were even worse. They were replaced with knee high white stockings that clung to his now somehow hairless legs adorned with black platform Mary Jane shoes. "This is not good!" he complained, seeing the worst of it all.

His underwear. Yes, his underwear. His bleached briefs were now some tiered, white and lacy kind of feminine undergarment that he'd only seen in some of the magazines that the three of them would look through during those hot nights when there was nothing better to do in their youth. How on earth did he appear in something so ridiculously feminine and revealing, erotic even?! Even his hat now had a black bow at the end. Who in their right minds would imagine this kind of thing? He looked at his friends for any kind of answer. Instead, he got a low whistle from Eddy.

"Damn. Looks like you 'nd Boxhead are kinkier I thought." He said, relaxing on the mushroom. Edd couldn't help himself from going red again. Out of all the times to make a quip about his appearance, it was when he was definitely and absolutely not dressed like himself. And not only that, but what Eddy was suggesting was highly inappropriate (and he was pretty sure that he had stopped Eddy from making jokes about the sex life he and Kevin shared). So in a small corner of his mind, Edd wondered how serious Eddy was being. Small corner though, because Edd was too focused on the comment at hand.

"A fetish? FETISH!? I would be **relieved** if this was the product of a fetish on either of our parts." He huffed, sinking down and spreading as much of his skirt as he could over his legs. Of course, it didn't really do much and he was tempted to take his hat off to try and cover up more. Yeah. That wouldn't work.

"Lighten up, will ya?" Eddy said, grabbing one of the hoses of the pipe and starting to inhale what Ed had brought. Edd looked at the contents in disdain. It looked mostly like crushed up marijuana and herbs but there was purple and yellow elements in there that he didn't know what they were, probably flavor enhancements or something. As much as he wanted to get up and go home, he figured that staying for a little to look over Ed and Eddy wouldn't do that much harm on his part. After all, if he had to be the one to do so in their youth, he could do it now.

What felt like a good hour or so passed. By this time, all three boys were spread out on the mushroom: water pipe in the middle, Ed having a side to himself while Eddy more or less had his head in Double D's la and Double D pretending not to mind that or imagine it was Kevin or something. Normally this wouldn't be as bad but the whole short skirt thing was very embarrassing. Especially because there were times when some of the smoke would get under his skirt. The contents, it turned out, couldn't have just been marijuana, as the smoke that surrounded them had clouded rather heavily and were solid. Solid and flashing every kind of color possible, and hte shapes were a mystery too. At one point, one of the smoke bubbles Eddy exhaled had blown a raspberry at him. "What exactly is this Ed?" He asked, dubious of the safety of the contents. Ed, however, didn't seem like he was in the state of answering because he was on his back, a fuzzy One-Eyed Monster mask covering his eyes as he was laughing at the various shapes and textures that the smoke was somehow producing. Yeah if Ed were going to speak, it would make less sense than normal.

"Why not try some and see for yourself?" Eddy asked, sitting up and taking another lethargic hit. The letter Y flowed out of Eddy's mouth and exploded into pieces of cloud sausage. Pieces of cloud sasuage that Ed started to eat.

Edd shook his head. "I have no interest in these things; I just asked to make sure none of this could hospitalize you." Edd made clear. "Besides, Ed only brought two hoses and nobody here has any disinfectant wipes." He insisted. To be honest, even if the experience tempted him, he was far too concerned about the health consequences to deem it worth the experience. He watched Eddy take a rather long hit and give Edd a determined, almost predatory glare. "Eddy...?" He said, starting to scoot to the other side. Eddy, however, caught up to him, leaning and getting much too close to comfort as usual. In less time than than Edd realized, Eddy held Edd's chin, keeping his mouth open before pressing his lips onto his, breathing the smoke and not letting go any time soon. Hell, Eddy had his eyes closed and felt like he was enjoying it.

Edd on the other hand, was wide eyed in shock and confusion. He soon pushed Eddy off and tried to cough out what had just happened. "Eddy! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He asked, unsure if he was more shocked that Eddy kissed him or that there were now drugs in his body. He wanted an explanation at this moment! Not just for what could have possibly been thinking by doing that but also what he put in him. He wanted to know that now because it shouldn't take this quickly for drugs to react. But his body felt good. Not exactly tingly, or overly stimulated or even super relaxed but just good. Soon his body got calmer, like he was floating on those solid smoky clouds and he had all the sleep in the world. And in about thirty seconds afterwords, it was a combo of a week's worth of proper rest, afterglow of reunion sex with Kevin and being in a bed full of small bunny rabbits combined coursing through Edd's body. Why couldn't he feel this way all the time? It was ridiculous!

Just as quickly as the feelings coursed through his body, soon they were gone. "Oh dear..." he soon became afraid; he wanted more. He watched Eddy taking hits and now he was the jealous one. So he waited until Eddy took a long hit before Edd pinned his friend on his back, holding Eddy's mouth open this time and sucking the smoke out, having it feel too close to a kiss. It turned into a real kiss though, when inadvertantly licked Eddy's lip and realizing the drug had absorbed in him completely. It was perfect; Edd could just have the feelings and the taste without having to take any more smoke in him. Mouths firmly attached, tongues clashed and small moans muffled as he kept telling himself that there were more and more of the effect inside of him and he needed to get it all.

However, it seemed second hand effects lasted less quickly because as soon as Edd pulled up for air, his conscience came back to him. Disgusted was an understatement for Edd once he realized what he did. "Dear god. I have to go." he excused himself rather quickly as he slid off of the mushroom and ran into the forrest, wanting to get far away as possible.

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Yeah I'm gonna die. Um... R&R please


	5. Chapter 5: A Sour Taste

Who has two thumbs and terrible procrastination. This chick. However, the show must go on. Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d.

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Edd sunk down to the base of a tree, knees up to his chest and his head buried in them. What the hell just happened to him? He had no interest in things like drugs and loved Kevin. But there he was, locked in a far from innocent kiss with one of his childhood best friends all because he tasted like a drug he was forced to consume. A wonderful, ridiculously fast-acting drug that had led him to do exactly what he feared. He was only glad that he got out of there fast enough. Edd's stomach sunk in, sucking in any other feelings he had, leaving him with overwhelming guilt. He felt sick; the exact opposite of what the drug made him feel. It was just a kiss yet Edd didn't know how he could even look at Kevin anymore. He hoped that he was stuck in this place now so he wouldn't have to face what he did. He tried to distract himself with trying to say Eddy started this all. And that's what made him puzzled.

Eddy wasn't even phased with what he did, and Ed seemed completely comfortable in his inebriated state. Thoughts started to plague his mind. Where did Ed even get a substance like that. How long had his friends been on it to the point where they were no long afraid it? Fear started to overcome those thoughts, making Edd believe the worst, like that his two best friends had formed an addiction to the stuff and showed no signs of just starting to experiment with whatever this was. Then again, considering how quickly he got hooked, who knew how long they had been addicted. "What's got you down cutiepie?" a voice broke Edd from his thoughts. Looking around though, he didn't see anything.

"Hello?" He said, wondering if he was just hearing things until a peculiar sight caught his eye. A grin attached to a handsome guy with a gold earring, a tiger - mascot costume painted teal and a signature head of green hair was lightly floating on the tree branch directly above Edd's head. "Nathan!" Nathan 'Nat' Goldberg was Kevin's high school best friend and often had a tendency of showing up in random places when he and Kevin had a date. A particular example would be when he got ice cream with Kevin and Nat was under the table, wanting to be fed ice cream.

Nat slid down the tree and perched right next to Edd. "At your service. And please, just Nat." He said with his contagious grin.

Edd got a closer look at Nat. He seemed like his normal self except he had a skin-tight purple catsuit on, as well as some matching boots that he swore were made for the ladies department. "Why are you dressed li-I really should stop inquiring about the clothing choices of people here. I never seem to get any answers. Not to mention my own attire." He said, looking down and still seeing that he was still in the dress.

This got a grin out of Nat, as well as an eyebrow wiggle. "Thanks for gettin' all pretty for me." He teased, standing up and offering his hand out to Edd. Edd took the hand, not particularly feeling like quipping anything back. This didn't go unnoticed apparently. Nat's grin faded. "Well, despite the costume, you look like shit. You hungry?" Nat asked, dusting off his cat costume. Since the last time Edd looked, Nat's catsuit acquired a tail. How? But that wasn't the topic at hand. The topic was if he was hungry.

"Actually, I'm famished." Edd answered. _"Although I doubt I can eat anything."_ It turns out the familiar face made him think even more about Kevin and naturally, the kiss he had with Eddy. "And I need to get a taste out of my mouth" He muttered, hoping that Nat didn't hear him.

"Then let's go." Nat said, stretching his back and wrapping his tail around Edd's waist. Before Edd could blink, the two of them had materialized into another part of the forrest, in an open kitchen none the less. While Nat was calm, Edd was ... not.

Wide eyed, dazed, and with a face that seemed rather green, Edd almost sank to the floor and grabbed the closest tree for dear life. "Nat! What the **hell** was any and all of that?" He said as he got up and grabbed Nat's shoulders. "I swore I saw fornicating demons on the back of a humpback whale, and whatever that thing with the tentacles was doing to those poor dolphins! Blowholes are not meant for that!" He said as he started shaking Nat's shoulders. "A part of me just died in there, and I think it was the best part of my soul!" Edd was a new kind of panicked as he continued to violently shake Nat's shoulders until his arms started getting tired. He relaxed his arms but still held on to the shoulders.

"Better?" Nat asked.

Edd nodded. "Much. Just don't ever do that to me again." he said, letting go of Nat's shoulders with soft but deep breaths of relief.

"Meh, you get used to it after a while." Nat brushed off as he started walking towards the kitchen.

That was definitely something that worried Edd. "Wait, what?" He asked, following Nat into the kitchen. Exactly how many times had Nat done that? _So far, all the things I've seen - and experienced - are plausible and could be easily recreated given the tools. Logical, no but easily recreated._ Forget the amount of times, now Edd wanted (and at the same time, didn't want) to know how he even did that in the first place. The two of them finally reached the kitchen; Nat slid into one of the chairs without any hesitation or formality. Edd wasn't so quick to sit down. The kitchen - arguably the most normal thing he's seen ever since he got here - seemed like something that came out of his childhood home. Actually, spare the post it notes and labels, it looked like it could have been ripped out of his house and placed in this place. The only thing that stood out though, was the figure at the stove. A figure in a mustard Victorian dress and a matching bonnet was humming a tune, using one of her hands to stir a pot and the other one holding what looked like a swaddled baby. His eyes went back to Nat, watching the way he was just sitting there. He could have easily offered to take the baby or stir the pot, at least say hello to the woman. Edd wasn't going to be the same way. "Good day M'am." He said, tapping the shoulder of the woman.

"Ah. Brainy Edd-boy!" That was definitely not a woman.

"Rolf!?"

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Yeah. You all waited only for this to come out. Fail on me. But still R&R please.


	6. Chapter 6 : No Guts, No Shepherd Glory

Hi people. I'm alive, and a terrible updater because life. Anyway, here's a breather I guess. Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d aka Acid. Everyone else belongs to Danny Antonucci.

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"Yes. What brings you to Rolf's kitchen today?" Edd was far more focused on the fact that Rolf - someone he hadn't seen really since high school and occasionally around Ed when he'd visit home occasionally - of all people was in an random, severely out of place kitchen in who even knew where. And he was in a dress. What reason wouid Rolf even have to be in a dress at all, never mind a dress as ornate as he was wearing right now.

"Nat brought me here." He said, still confused as to what he was supposed to do really. "I certainly didn't expect him to bring me to you. I didn't even expect you to be here. Why are you here?" he asked, hoping to get some answers.

"Oh. Rolf is making the stew of the ancestors." Edd pouted; that really didn't help at all. He was about to rephrase his question, asking more why he was in wherever they were really, when he was dragged over to the pot, the lid coming off and had his head pushed down with his nose inches away from touching the substance inside. "Smell the glory of the shepherds!" The Glory of the Shepherds smelt highly of pickled horseradish and salted animal entrails. And watermelon.

"Very lovely Rolf..." Edd quietly got himself away from the pot and onto a chair.

"You said you came here with Green-Haired-Nat-boy. Where is he?" Rolf asked. Edd, in response - pointed to the other side of the table where it seemed that Nat was amusingly watching the two of them interact. "Hold Rolf's baby while this needs both hands." What the? Where had the baby been this entire time? "YOU! Where are the herbs that Rolf requested?" Edd used that time to look down at the baby, who turned out to be a miniature version of Wilfred.

_"Figures he'd call this of all things his baby." _He thought as Teacup-Wilfred started squealing and squirming in his arms.

"Cool it, Conan, I got'm right here."

Rolf caught the bag that Nat lightly tossed at him. "You are sure it is not tainted with the stench of the drug?" he asked, examining each herb one by one with an amount of focus before perking his head up slightly "And who is this Conan of which you speak?" he asked before going back to concentrating on the herbs in the bag.

That first part caught his attention. "Drug?" Edd asked.

"Yeah, the stuff you were on earlier." Nat clarified.

"W-what?" Edd stammered. How on Earth could Nat had known he was previously under any kind of influence, none the less that one. What if he was watching him. What if Nat saw more than that.

"I could smell it on you a mile away. "

Edd frowned. "I wasn't aware I was that potent. Then again, nothing's made sense so far to be honest." He said, starting to get frustrated in seeing Nat so nonchalant about all of this. Wasn't there anybody here who realized that Edd had no clue what the fuck was going on?! "And you're certainly not helping, Nathan." He continued.

Nat shrugged it off. "If I'm not making much sense, just ask Kevin about it later."

"Kevin's here?" Frustration turned into Excitement and Anxiety with the reminder of what he did earlier.

Nat nodded. "Yep. Who knows where that cat goes anymore. Ooh I remember one time when he got a hit of the drug and started dry h-" he was interrupted by a very hard pound to his head, courtesy of Rolf and a rolling pin. "The fuck! What was that for?!"

"Do not speak of obscenities on Rolf's table!" Rolf warned, keeping the rolling pin on the counter in case Nat was going to pull that again. Something told Edd that this was a common thing between the two of them.

"Oh come on Rolf. I bet you wouldn't have said that if Edd wasn't here." Nat said, seating himself on the counter and - in Nat fashion - erasing Rolf's personal bubble as he leaned in , lips near Rolf's ear. "That and if I talked about the time that you pinned me to the floor and -" A look that Edd couldn't see was able to shut Nat up. From his guess, it was either a threatening glare or something that said 'If you shut up, I'll give you something else to focus on later'. Edd didn't care which one at this point. Nat scooped out a bowl of whatever was in the pot and handed it to Edd. "Anyway. You said you were hungry so eat this." He offered.

"I am. Thank you." Edd said, deciding the best way to do this was to take a breath, hold it then take a spoonful, figuring that the less he could smell, the less he could taste. It turned out to be not as bad as he thought. Sure the texture was a little slimy and he was sure that something in there was still alive but it mostly just tasted like vinegar. And Watermelon.

Nat almost seemed relieved that Edd was actually eating it. "No way was I going to keep eating this crap by myself." he muttered, thinking he was inaudible. "Oh C'mon!"Another pound via rolling pin proved that people could still hear him. Especially a now-pissed off Rolf.

"The Glory of the Shepherds is crap to you!?" Even if one didn't grow up with him, anyone who saw the look in Rolf's eyes that he had right now, knew they needed to A, run or B, apologize profusely or try to save grace. "While your hair wears the color of fungus on Nana's toes!" That made Nat choose a third option, which meant egging on Rolf. Egging lead to an insult match and he insult match turned into a full on brawl between the two which seemed to have just as much sexual tension as it did anger.

Edd however, was smart enough to take option A. "I really should get going." He excused himself, really not wanting to be there to witness the result of that. Edd soon made his way on a pretty ordinary path, leading him to an ordinary looking forrest. He wasn't sure if the lack of chaos in this part was a sign of comfort, or a sign of caution. Edd still kept his guard and a focus of just following the path until it lead to something. It felt like ten minutes before a sign hit him from above. No really, it fell out of the sky and left quite the bruise on his forehead. "What could have possibly been the point of that?!" he winced, rubbing his forehead, looking up at what hit him. "A few more steps until the Royal Castle." Edd groaned. This should have been a sign of relief, after all, no one knew more about their own kingdom than the people who ran it, correct? But nothing has really made any real sense to him since he's gotten here; how could he expect the parliament to be rational? Still, it was better than being a sitting duck to more ostentatious and fairly lethal signs.

"Hopefully I'll get some answers."

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So there it is. I actually have some of the next chapt. written out but it's outline but I promise I won't take this long to update again or you can beat me with trout or other various fish. But please, R&R.


	7. Chapter 7: Bowl of the Roses

What's this? Inconsistent uploading? Well Oh well. I don't own any of these characters except for the dumbass guard. Oh and I looked around various websites for that one thing about the sky.

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Edd finally made his way to the Castle Grounds and for a little bit of time, all he could do was look at it. With immaculately and geographical lines, an exterior graced in shades of white and very little orange, - and from what he could make out, laminated labels - it seemed more like the brainchild of a modern, minimalist artist instead of the normal connotations that came from the words 'Castle' and 'Royal'. And that was being polite. If Edd had truly been impolite, then the first thought that would have come to him would have been 'hospital'. A mental hospital to be exact, the kind of place that was supposed to be a source of comfort and healing but shrouded in secrets , abuse and overall distrust that there was no point trying to put on a facade that this was a happy place. But as unhappy and just uncomfortable as it made him, at least hospitals had some kind of knowledge and the fact it wasn't as colorful as places he's seen could probably a sign of rationality or logic.

So he kept on, hoping that he was right about this. This was strange; he had never been wrong about much in his life and even if things didn't make sense here whatsoever, at least he could try to have faith in his own logic? Edd groaned; God, even justifying his own decision making skills were starting to vex him. A guard soon came into view. _"Finally, another person."_ he thought, going over. "If you excuse me-" Edd tapped the shoulder of one of the guards. The guard barely turned his head to look at Edd before flinching, getting down to his knees, muttering some kind of apology of some sorts. A few seconds later, he was confused as to why Edd wasn't doing anything to him and looked back up and sighed. He seemed relieved that it wasn't who he thought it was but Edd had to wonder what exactly the guard was expecting to happen.

"May I help you?" The guard asked, putting Edd's musings on hold in favor for the real issue here.

Edd cleared his throat. "Yes, I was wondering if you could lead me to who's in charge." He asked, noticing more details about the guard. Other than the head to toe scheme of bleach and burnt orange, not to mention incredibly intricate stitching throughout the uniform itself, Edd could have easily mistaken him - or any other guard there - for a British Foot Guard.

The guard profusely shook his head. "Queen's not taking audience now." He said, going back to his business. So this was a matriarchal society; Edd made sure to keep that in mind. "We do not disturb the Queen." The guard added in, in case for some reason Edd seemed like he didn't get it the first time.

"Perhaps you could direct me to someone who cou-" A painful but distant scream stopped his words and had him instead focused on the guard's hands. One towel with stains of some red liquid that Edd wasn't sure he wanted to know the origin of; the other had a flawlessly white bottle labeled 'Disinfectant'. That was odd to say the least. "What are you doing?" he asked, hoping to make sense of it.

"Disinfecting the Roses." The guard said, his tone distracted and his focus clearly on the task at hand.

"Why?" Edd asked. Since when did a rose need disinfectant? Not to mention that the guard was spraying enough to clean an entire countertop with, all for oen rose.

"The queen hates when they're dirty or unsanitary." Another clipped yet disinterested answer from the guard.

"But that much disinfectant would surely kill the roses." Edd pointed out. But alas, it was in vain because the cards just ignored him and kept on. Like a new form of torture, the chemicals - stronger than Edd had expected - started the erosion process on their victims.. Edd could have sworn he heard screaming as the acid ate away into the delicate, flesh like petals. Anything that hadn't been dissolved completely left cuts and scars that he only wished could heal after it was all over. They continued to wither, their blood collecting into the metal pail that Edd saw was labeled 'Impurity'. What remained were pale corpses, scarred and unhealed shells of what they used to be. Edd didn't understand; something as simple - though pointless - as disinfecting a rose shouldn't have been so painful to watch. But here he was, holding his tongue, clearly the only one who had any concern about the well being of the fauna. Who would be so low as to want to disinfect - this wasn't even disinfecting, this was murdering - roses simply due to the color? If this queen wanted white roses instead of red, why didn't she just order white roses to be planted instead?

"The queen was never one for flowers anyway." The guard mentioned, just cutting the entire stem and putting it in a nearby basket neatly labeled 'Damaged'.

Blinks of dumbfoundedness only lasted for a few seconds before Edd had had just about enough of this guard. It was amazing what all of the sheer confusion of what he's experienced was doing to his patience. "Then what in damnation is the point of painting red roses only to bleach them and get rid of them when you know the chemical process will destroy them?" Had all of these people really lost their minds?

A deep, foreboding bell started to ring clearly through the sky. "It's time." Again with the screams. Edd swore that this wasn't his imagination this time and for once in a while here, he was right; Nine other creatures (humanoid, animal like and one Edd swore looked like a chocolate chip cookie with a mustache) were pulled in by other guards

Edd quickly glanced around him. "Time? Time for what?" He said, finding himself forcefully ushered to a seat by two more of the guards. Seeing how calm he was, some of the others looked at him like he had a death wish or something. And he soon saw why.

"Welcome to the Bowl. Answer these ten questions correctly and you don't die." A voice from overhead announced.

Edd's eyes widened in an obvious panic. "I must be hearing things. I could have sworn he used death in that sentenced..." he chuckled nervously, not getting any kind of response. Not even a contemptuous glare from any of the other nine; they were too focused on being terrified as they were handed tablets.

"Use the tablets to answer and submit. No revealing answers out loud. Whoever answers incorrectly and or with the most time used per round is executed on the spot."

And that's when Edd snapped. "Excuse me?!" He got to his feet immediately. "Exactly what the hell kind of a game is this?! I wasn't aware we were in the Capital!" Edd shouted. "I refuse to be a part of this!" his yelling got louder, more fervent only to stop with a spear barely a millimeter away from his neck.

"Discontinuation of the game for any reason results with on-the-spot execution." The guard said with a snarl. Well that certainly put a damper on Edd's plan of trying to leave so soon. With a hard gulp, Edd sat back down, trying to get comfortable with the tablet in hand. "The Game will begin with the first question." The guard started, going into the center of the circle the victims formed.

"A change of the DNA in an organism that results in a new trait is known as"

_"A Mutation"_ Edd answered almost impulsively, and would have said it out loud if not for the rule being ... highly enforced by the guards and their rather large and pointy spears. He scribbled down an answer and was the first to lock in. Others locked in after him and before Edd had time to blink, a guard twirled his spear, piercing straight through the skull of one of the humanoid creatures without a word. It sank out of the chair and onto it's knees before it hit the ground, blood filling up the stab-hole and overflowing in record time. And they just left it there. Left it there as the blood poured from the hole and flowed past the hairline and onto the grass or running down various parts of skin. Edd held his mouth, wishing he could find a place to throw up after what he just saw.

Question after question came. A lot - if not all of the rest - of the questions asked were things Edd could have easily seen on a high school science exam or placement test. He was actually very relieved that these were things he actually knew and could answer rather well. After all, his life did depend on getting these right or putting down a wrong answer with as little time as possible. And as another breath of relief passed his lips from survival, his only regret was for the ones who weren't so lucky, those who answered incorrectly and had some kind of cruel, unjust fate. Soon it came to him being the only one left. Edd swallowed another hard gulp. Was this really going to be what decided his fate? "Final Question. For this you may speak. Why is the sky blue?" The guard said.

Edd cleared his throat. "The sky's blue color is a result of the effect of Rayleigh scattering. Shorter-wavelength blue light is more strongly scattered in the earth's atmosphere than longer-wavelength red light. The human eye perceives the color blue when looking at the sky as a result. " He knew he was correct and the guards didn't fight it. Edd expected some kind of positive acknowledgement or a prize for surviving this long. What he got however, were ominous glares from the guards around him. It only took the glares to turn from ominous to downright wicked for Edd to realize that this wasn't just a test.

Twinges of fear came to him as the thoughts came racing as well. _"No one was supposed to pass."_ He got out of his seat slowly to try and avoid suspicion _"We were all supposed to die."_ Yet he was still there, alive and grabbing the wrong type of attention. _"What does that mean for me?"_ He gulped. Considering that the guards were under specific orders of the Queen - who they mentioned several times in their worrisome decision-making process - and this didn't happen often enough for them to be well prepared for this, Edd figured he had one option and one option alone. "Is that your queen?" He asked, pointing towards the castle.

As soon as their backs were turned, he ran.

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I have a feeling that you know who the Queen is but whatever.


End file.
